Can you smell what Congress is cooking?

I was going to write on how to do a citizens arrest but there was little to no information and the only person who recently had a successful citizens arrest was a Hilton girl so..... Nope.com on that subject.

So instead let's get a bit more on topic - with a 750 billion dollar stimulus package in place and tax season right around the corner I thought it would appropriate to look at how the people in Washington spend your tax dollars....

25 Billion Lost: In a time when giving out 150 billion is no big deal, missing 25 billion is a line item in a 300 page budget recap... In 2003 there were unreconciled transactions totally over 24.5 billion dollars according to Department of the Treasury’s 2003 Financial Report of the United States Government. The unreconciled transactions are funds for which auditors cannot account: The government knows that $25 billion was spent by someone, somewhere, on something, but auditors do not know who spent it, where it was spent, or on what it was spent. That is 25 billion more we, the tax payers, could be giving to corrupt financial mavens on Wall Street...

Unused Flight Tickets: I guess one of the rules to being in the Defense Department is fear of flying... Not so much fear of buying a ticket but the fear of using the ticket. A recent audit revealed that between 1997 and 2003, the Defense Department purchased and then left unused approximately 270,000 commercial airline tickets at a total cost of $100 million. The real kicker, the Pentagon never bothered to get a refund for these fully refundable tickets.

As our soldiers struggle abroad to get what they need to protect themselves let's put this 100 plus million in perspective: The money could have purchased seven Blackhawk helicopters, 17 M1 Abrams tanks, or a large supply of additional body armor for U.S. troops in Afghanistan and Iraq. I am now sick to my stomach!

Credit Card Abuse: The Department of Defense - not just funding Area 51 anymore... Over one recent 18-month period, Air Force and Navy personnel used govern­ment-funded credit cards to charge at least $102,400 for admission to entertainment events, $48,250 for gambling, $69,300 for cruises, and $73,950 for exotic dance clubs and prostitutes. I had no idea that hookers took plastic - very tech savvy... Knowing that I am surprised that only 73k was spent on hookers and dancers...

Funding Fictitious Colleges and Students: I watched that goofy movie with the kid from the Apple commercials - you know the one, where he starts his own college because he can't get into a real college and the real colleges are full of jerks and too much book stuff... Little did I know that our very own Government caught the movie and got inspired... I can just hear little Bush, "well shoot fire and save matches, we could do this..."

The Education Department administrators over­looked one problem: Neither the Y’Hica Institute nor the three students who received the $55,000 existed. The fictitious college and students were created (on paper) by congressional investigators to test the Department of Education’s verification pro­cedures. All of the documents were faked, right down to naming one of the fictional loan student applicants “Susan M. Collins,” after the Senator requesting the investigation

So there you have it, your tax dollars at waste! I can't wait to see how the 700 billion will be used....

Watch your toes, I am dropping knowledge

I am all about having and sharing random knowledge. The beauty of random knowledge is not just having it but knowing when you can put drop it into a conversation... Unlike the Hollywood name dropper that sneaks in how he/she met Leo or Jean Claude Van Dam (I just used his name now go out rent JCVD - thank me later, love me today) the other day at a hot dog stand... The loss connection - like bad stereo wires in a college dorm room, you mentioned how you love to eat cheese and jalapeno filled corn dogs from gas stations... The problem' the name dropper just dropped without a smooth transition. As a knowledge dropper you will add to a conversation and have people walking away going, "huh, I wonder what else he/she knows?"

Time to get random. Time to drop some knowledge. It's time to prepare you for the day.

So you are chilling at the office and someone is rapping out the 1996 hit song, Gangsta's Paradise, reliving the glory days of 96. Like all thing nostalgic, to this person 1996 was the best year of the 90's in music, politics and international diplomacy. Then you lift (with your legs not your back) your knowledge and drop it - crushing their inflated view of 1996 with the bubble popping knowledge that 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

I can't decide what is worse, sick people or the knuckle head that stayed at the local Holiday Inn Express making him the control/alt/delete WebMD expert for all things flu like - now turn and cough. Actually I can decide and the decision is easy - hack and shut down WebMD. The next time someone starts dropping random advice on how someone should get better go in like House with a limp and no pain meds, offering up a serving of this - Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.

The next time you are over at your Christian friends house and see cat, don't be afraid - call that Judas out. Let them know that a cat, especially theirs, is just Satan in a fur coat... When they look at you like you are crazy, get out the nail gun and hang this ditty of knowledge to their cross - The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat. Then slap them, rebuke their demon cat, finish your beer, put out your ciggy and go home your job is done!

During these tough times are thinking about ending it all but don't know how? Wrist cutting to bloody? Shotgun to the dome to loud and messy? Afraid killing yourself in your car will lower the resale value? Scared of heights? Well keep thinking because this bit of knowledge is only going to keep you alive and well, You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

Finally, the next time your A-Rod tells you to get out of bed and do something... Lift this hundred plus pounds of knowledge and remind that steroid freak with a larger than normal head, acne and smaller than normal....... You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV. Turn off the light when you leave....

A budget up in smoke...

It is no secret that the worlds eight largest economy, the beautiful state of California, is having some hard times. State workers are being forced to take every other Friday off to cut costs; tax payers are getting IOU's from the state (just as good as cash at key locations like: Vons - but not Ralphs or Albertsons, any race track, all Indian owned casinos, Catalina Island and all Blockbuster locations excluding Fresno - so not really "all" but you get the point); and the state budget has finally been approved only to have CA tax payers seeing red....

Even with all these cuts and tax increases CA is still in a bit of trouble and the state is operating in the negative... What to do??? The state tried raising taxes on golfers - nope.com. The state tried raising taxes on wine makers and wine at the point of purchase - nope.com. The state went as far as to go for tax increases with equestrian riders - nope.com. What is a state to do when the equestrian lobbyist can put the breaks on a tax increase? Only one group left... Roll it up, light it up, inhale........ Plus they are too stoned and lazy to protest and will pay any price to make the hippie lettuce legal....

An assemblyman from San Francisco announced legislation Monday to tax the cigaweed: in essence make California the first state in the nation to tax and regulate recreational marijuana in the same manner as alcohol. And exhale...

In the past year the weed as the kids call it has been in the spot light and not in a negative way. Major motion pictures have celebrated the use of pot (that is what the old people call it - kids still think pot is something you cook with) such as the hit Pineapple Express - funny movie. Some movies are so bad or random that you have to smoke ganja (not that I think anyone should do something illegal like burn the tree) just to wrap your head around what is going on. Movies like "He's Just Not That Into You" and any of Madea movies are prime examples of that. Let's not forget that even CNBC is doing the Dead Milkmen sing along, "Let's Go Smoke Some Pot" did a money side report of the herb with their hit - "Marijuana Inc." The show highlights the business side of the dope world and business is good, billions of dollars good...

With at least a 10 billion dollars being untaxed and the cigaweed alleged to be California's biggest cash crop, Assemblyman Tom Ammiano contends it is time for the state to cash in on getting high (with a state disclaimer) while putting a damper on drug use by teens, cutting police costs and even helping Mother Nature. Seems like a win, win, win all the way around.

With an economy in the tank and drugs sales up could this economic depression be the catalyst to push some drugs from the dark alleys to the super market shelves?

Could you imagine the legal disclaimer for the green? If the sellers could advertise on TV like pharmaceutical companies do... Giggleweed Sticky Blue, amazingly smooth, always sticky... Never use and the operate heavy machinery or an automobile. May cause coughing, relaxed state of mind, over eating, loss of job, red eyes, lack of motivation and drastic diet change...

NICE!

Of course, anti-drug groups are anything but amused by the idea of California collecting a windfall from the leafy herb that remains illegal under federal law. Shocker!

FYI: have you noticed how I have used a different name for the bud each time (check, did it again - keep up pot smokers, if you missed it be embarrassed and you are sober - boo on you).

The measure being presented, AB 390, would essentially replicate the regulatory structure used for beer, wine and hard liquor, with taxed sales barred to anyone under 21.

It couldn't be AB 420? Lame.. not the 420 reference, but the lack of artistic freedom and humor from the assembly...

So what are the benefits of taking Buddah Grass from taboo ......... to you too?

Many, from those wanting to balance the state budget to those loading a bong right now with the reefer say that legalizing the Afghan will actually boost public safety, keeping law enforcement focused on more serious crimes while keeping Mary Jane away from teenagers who can readily purchase black-market Panama Red from peers.

Of course the green lovers are for legalization as well, with benefits to mother earth that include, the uprooting of environmentally destructive back country Texas tea plantations that denude fragile ecosystems.

Now lets be honest, legalizing the dry high has to do with the other green that balances the bottom line. By some estimates, California's Green Triangle is a $14-billion industry, putting it above vegetables ($5.7 billion) and grapes ($2.6 billion) combined. If so, that could mean upward of $1 billion in tax revenue for the state each year.

A billion is a lot of tax dollars and seeing how we can't the tax steroids baseball players take, maybe it's time to tax the locco weed...

Puff, puff, give...

Special thanks to the LA Times for bringing this story my attention and now yours...

It's just that disturbing

This weekend I played the trooper and went to, "He's Just Not That Into You" which turned out to be a movie about crazy women and men... The title should have been changed to, "Stalking, Cheating, Drinking and Smoking" or "Cheat On Your Wife, Date Your Stalker." All that written, this movie has created some ill informed dating tipping spin offs, the most recent being "Dating 101: Four Signs He's Over You" from our friends at Cosmo.

Cosmo, one of many magazines both online and in print that ensure after reading one single issue cover to cover a woman will have body issues, think her sex life is horrible and without repair, her workout will never work, she is dating Mr. Right - she just needs to change who she is or who he is and her relationship may be over... And like an abused woman returning to her abuser, women return to Cosmo each month for more mental abuse with a quick run to the toilet to puke up breakfast, lunch and dinner... Don't forget to look at all the realistic pictures of the ladies in the magazine as well...

With Cosmo still twitching under the Rewashed bus, I think now is a great time to look at some of their dating insights - focusing on "Dating 101: Four Signs He's Over You."

Drum roll please.....

And the 4 most insightful and thought provoking - Nancy Drew inspired insight are.....

#1. He Doesn't Do What He Says He Will

Yes, it's true: You usually have to ask guys about 10 times before they'll actually help you put in those bathroom shelves -- that's typical. But when he promises to go with you to a friend's party and then bails or doesn't call when he says he will, that's a problem. "When I started losing interest in my ex, I intentionally became really flaky," says Bruce, 24. "I just didn't feel like going out of my way for her anymore."

RWC: First, I like the "man on the street" insight. Great work Dr. Cosmo. Second, Cosmo why do you set up both sexes for failure. Stating that men don't help only reinforces the behavior, and encourages women to tolerate the behavior. Why not write, "a good man follows through on what he says he will do. When he changes direction it is time to talk about his change in attitude and lack of follow through." Don't encourage men and at the same time set a woman's expectations that put men below the standard bar of employment at McDonald's.... I think both McDonald's and women deserve more.

#2. He Keeps Asking You, "Are We Okay?"

Let's be honest here: Single men hate to talk about relationships. So if he starts suggesting weekly powwows, take notice. "I didn't want to just flat out break her heart, so instead, I tried to hint that I wasn't the right guy for her," says Jack, 32. "I'd ask, 'So, what do you want for the future?' Since I knew she wanted a guy who could take care of her financially, I'd say something like 'I don't want to be a VP someday. Money is overrated.' After enough of these talks, she realized I wouldn't be the rich husband she wanted."

RWC: Hey Jack, sounds like you want a rich wife, errr sugar mama... Let's be honest, no one wants to talk about relationships. We want to go on and just think that it will always be happy and go lucky. When it gets tough or uncomfortable you have a choice - jump out, back out or see if you can or want to make it work. The saw cuts both ways. Perhaps, Jack's "lady friend" noticed he was a stoned out slacker that made boxes at UPS and wanted to see if he could or would want to ever achieve more.... Side note, Jack you are 32 - if you can't look a person in the eye and be honest than lie about your age and say that you are 12 but an old soul...

#3. He Makes You into the Bad Guy

Your guy starts constantly choosing his buddies over you... and yet, he says you're the selfish one. It's called deflecting. "I'd been wanting to break up with my girl, but I couldn't bring myself to do it," explains Tyler, 28. "So instead, I made it seem like she was a rotten girlfriend by telling her she wasn't giving me enough of her time or accusing her of cheating." See how it works? Eventually, you'll be dying to free yourself from his incessant harping (or so he hopes).

RWC: Of course a woman will be happy to get rid of a guy that is never around and when he is around he is blaming her of cheating and locking him down. Attention ladies! In your next relationship talk about the one of the two things you can never get back, that being time. Get his expectations on how much time he is willing to give you and how much time you can give him - both alone time and time you spend together doing things with his friends and your friends. Finally, if a guy tries to put you on blast and make you the "bad guy" then you have more then just a time problem you have an accepting crap logic from people problem. Get a spine, don't take his crap and be your own woman...

#4. He Makes Comments About Attractive Women

Look, no guy is stupid enough to go on about how sensual some random chick is in front of his girlfriend... unless, of course, he's trying to be inconsiderate. "Once I knew it was over, I just stopped censoring myself," says David, 27. "If I were watching a music video on TV, I would say that I'd never seen a body so perfect. I knew it upset her, but I just didn't care at that point."

RWC: First, David is a dick... Excuse me but he is. His girlfriend only took his crap because she read Cosmo and her self image was destroyed. Second, ladies recognize there are prettier women then you out there... That written, understand that you are more then skin and bones. You are a complete woman and complete package.... Be secure in who you are as a woman, both inside and out. If he is just with you for your body then he is just with you to have sex , hence if you are looking for a relationship and find yourself in this situation you might as well run the 40 yard dash in a 30 yard gym....

Ladies lets honestly look at a couple of items:

1. Who are you with and why are you with them?

2. Why are you attracting certain guys?

Now if you are unhappy what can you do to change your situation - minus reading Cosmo?

I can't answer these questions for you, you have too. So get your finger out of your mouth, your head out of the toilet and the size 0 jeans out of your closet. Look in the mirror, say "I love you" to you and start with baby steps moving forward. Finally, go see "He's Just Not That Into You" and if any of your friends give you advice that the ladies on the big screen do, kick them in the groin and then go find new friends.

Monday is done!