Time to ad it up...

Jet Blue was recently put on blast by the private jet community for their very clever commercials about CEO's having to fly commercial.

One the private jet people need to laugh at themselves the crooks, I mean CEO's that fly private. It's funny so laugh.... Or cry, either way you are losing money hand over fist...

If you have not seen the commercial see the link below, click away and enjoy. Get lost on YouTube for an hour or two watching clips from Retarded Policeman as well as other hits from Gary and the Hornets and then come back to the place where it all started - my blog...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmDiDJ7QrdU

Welcome back little buddy. How was your wasted hour or two on the YouTube? Good I trust. Glad to have you back. Just to recap, today at Rewashed News we are going to look at some ads. Jet Blue warmed you up and made you laugh. Now I am taking you from simmer to a boil as we look at some of the worst commercials to ever grace our TV's - you may laugh, you may cry, you may get night terrors... And you may never eat pizza again. You have been warned.

Coming in at number 1, is the stuff of legends. New Yorkers have created urban myths about these creatures for years and for a short time they were making you a lightly toasted hot sub (funny thing, usually the kid making your sub is lightly toasted). I call the company QuizYes but you know them as Quizno's.

The creepy, hairy, signing rats - nooooooooo! Yesssssss!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZrks-BPeLQ

When it comes to commercial number 2 all you need to think is hot, fresh, delivered and male sexual inadequacy.... No not, Viva Viagra (poor Elvis is just rolling over in his grave and he is not looking for more to eat, he is really pissed about his family selling the rights to one of his songs to sell an erection pill. That is worse than the King dying stoned, fat and wealthy while sitting on the bowl). Think hot, round, cheesy and saucy with the lovely addition of pickled meats... Got 28 minutes. Get your sexy on then eat Dominos. Only corporate America can bring pizza and sex together and still make it gross.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acCnKmZDpfA

Coming in at number 3 - red pig tails, hot fresh burgers and no cutting corners. Nothing screams, let's go eat meat like a red headed pig tailed cross dresser as he stops kicking the tree (and why was he kicking the tree? What did that tree ever do to you except for help provide better air to breath? - Exactly). Put on your favorite dress, dust of your wig and unwrap the only square burger on the market while you watch this gem...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeEPoRkGM_c

Batting cleanup at number 4 - a bear... No not Smokey the Bear (he is too busy preventing forest fires and with all the forest fires that have been happening, he is not doing a very good job) or the Hamm's Bear from the land of sky blue waters (that bear to busy getting drunk, shot gunning Hamm's). Nope.com, the bears I am talking about don't have a name but they do have a sensitive corn hole and need extra special booty wipes. Here they come to save the earth (use less, clean more off your booty) and give your buns the gentle touch they need - Charmin! Poop and wipe and think - yup, this is exactly what bears would use... Charmin also answers the age old question, does a bear !@!##$ in the woods? Yes.com!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IraXbvuXW7U

Finally number 5. When I get drunk I want to get drunk the cheapest way possible while not losing my girlish figure - swimsuit season is right around the corner. An 80's attitude, sugar free love and booze - thanks Bacardi and Diet Cola....

Enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_A3kvEhS7UM

Like a fart in church...

Sometimes good companies and bad companies with good intentions make very bad decisions. Today RWN is going to highlight some of the biggest products flops of all time. We all know that in this tough economic landscape we need new ideas that will move companies forward, not backwards. So in effort that we do not repeat history let's look at some of your favorite flops, including but not limited to New Coke, Colgate food, bikes sponsored by guns and so much more...

Coming in at number 1 - Smith & Wesson Mountain Bikes

A study commissioned by the company found brand awareness so strong that consumers said they would consider S&W not only for handguns, but for other products as well like milk, candy bars, bullets, yo-yos but oddly enough not mountain bikes. You can't shoot a deer or a person for that matter and then go bike them down. S&W had been selling bicycles designed for law enforcement, security and emergency response since 1997, so in 2002, the company took another step forward (or if you are Paula Abdul - 2 steps forward, 1 BIG step back) by offering mountain bikes to consumers too. Unfortunately, while the bikes continue to be loved by public service officials that carry guns and/or tickets, the public sighted in on these guns.... I mean mountain bikes.

Coming in at number 2, a puke free yogurt from a anorexic pushing magazine. Cosmopolitan Yogurt

Cosmopolitan has 58 international editions, is published in 36 languages and is distributed in more than 100 countries, ensuring that woman around the world have body issues - not just American women. Cosmo has been subtly encouraging women to puke up their food, find out why men don't like them for who they are and make sure that each woman's fashion sense changes monthly - all things women buy into as it pertains to this magazines mind morphing empire. One thing Cosmo does not do best is brand and sell yogurt, branding and selling the puking up of yogurt - YES, selling a food product via a magazine that invented the term "size 0" - nope.com. From the time of its release, the yogurt was supposedly off of the shelves in 18 months. A long time in the fashion world, a short time in the product world...

Need a designated driver that feels cool and refreshed without all those hops and barley additives? Then you are going to love product number 3: Coors Rocky Mountain Spring Water

If you're one of the most popular beer brands in the world, it's a pretty safe bet that even your most loyal consumers would not be interested in buying bottled water from you unless that water had booze in it, then BIG seller. Sadly Coors kept their bottle water, NA when the company created -- Coors Rocky Mountain Spring Water. Spring water from the Rocky Mountains, just what every DD wants - the tease of beer, it's not bad enough he has to hang out with his drunk friends while being stone cold sober, make sure to give him a Coors water. And the Coors water joke, the drunker you get the funnier it will get...

Floss, brush, and then eat. Coming in at number 4, Colgate was just missing out on one of the listed actions, eating... And along came, Colgate Kitchen Entrees

In what must be one of the most bizarre brand extensions ever Colgate decided to use its name on a range of food products called Colgate’s Kitchen Entrees, none of these entrees had the hint or taste of mint and none of them whitened your teeth. Oddly enough the people that take care of your mouth could not find a way to take care of your taste buds and tummy, the products did not take off and never left U.S. soil. I would love to see this reference on a person's resume - that would be amazing.

When you write about flops you can't leave off the real thing... coming in at number 5 - New Coke


In the 1970s and early 80s, Coke began to face some competition from other soft drink producers like Sunkist, Mugs Root beer, RC Cola and Pepsi. To remain in the number one spot, Coke executives decided to cease production on the classic cola, the flavor that taught the whole world to sing in perfect harmony in favor of New Coke - a Coke with no singing ability or harmony. The public was outraged, hurt and to be honest pretty disappointed. Coke jumped off the new Coke ship like it was the Titanic and quickly re-launch its original formula almost immediately. Lesson learned, when the world sings - leave it alone skip!

There you have it - the top 5 product flops of all time according to me really... Have a great Thursday.

Lunch time...

Wondering what to get for lunch? Wonder no more kids...

New York, NY (April 1, 2009) – CKE Restaurants, Inc. today announced it has launched a new hamburger servicing a lost segment of the hamburger eating society. It’s not every day that a new burger line will bring droves of underserved grown beef loving men to tears. But today, Carl’s Jr. has achieved just that with the launch of the left handed hamburger.

“We started studying left handed eaters two years ago, watching them struggle as they ate our amazing hamburgers,” said Brad Haley, executive vice president of marketing, for Carl's Jr. “We felt like Ryan Seacrest, trying to give a hi-5 to a blind guy. We were under serving our faithful left handed eaters. The launch of left handed menu items started at 6am this morning, apparently, Carl’s Jr. customers really enjoy the left handed items – we have had lines out the door and several locations have run out of left handed biscuits, tortilla wraps and burger buns.”

Left-handed people are often times placed at a disadvantage by the prevalence of right-handed food in society. Many foods are designed to be comfortably used with the right hand. For example, (right-handed) tacos or pizza slices, very common food items in America, are arranged so that the line being cut along can be seen by a right-handed user, but is obscured to a left-handed user.

Left-handed adaptations have bridged the world of music; guitars are often made especially for left-handers, though generally at a higher cost, and with greatly reduced availability. There have even been inverted pianos where the deepest notes correspond to the rightmost keys instead of the leftmost. So it only makes sense that we create food for the left handed eater!

In his book Right-Hand, Left-Hand, Chris McManus of University College London argues that the proportion of left-handers is rising and left-handed people as a group have historically produced an above-average quota of high achievers. We want beef eating, high achieving men eating our left handed crafted burgers and buns!

Go now to your local Carl’s Jr. and order your Left Handed Burger (you can even order one if you are right handed, we won’t tell).

About Carl’s Jr.

Carl’s Jr. is celebrating more than 65 years in the quick-service industry. What began as a lone hot dog cart in Los Angeles, Calif. in 1941 is today an international organization that employs nearly 30,000 people worldwide. Carl’s Jr. is a wholly owned subsidiary of CKE Restaurants, Inc. (NYSE: CKR) of Carpinteria, Calif. As of its fiscal 2008 fourth quarter ended Jan. 28, 2008, CKE Restaurants, Inc. through its subsidiaries, had a total of 3,067 franchised, licensed or company-operated restaurants in 42 states and in 13 countries, including 1,141 Carl’s Jr. restaurants and 1,926 Hardee’s® restaurants. For more information, or to find a Carl’s Jr. near you, go to www.ckr.com or www.carlsjr.com.

How far will Oscar take you?

I woke up this morning and wondered two things -

1. Whatever happened to the Oscar Meyer Wiener car/truck that used to cruise around the US passing out hot dogs?

2. What happened to the band built to take down the Beatles, Gary and Hornets?

According to Oscar Meyer (of course they take my calls), the Wiener mobile is alive and well. High fuel costs and a bad economy have not curbed their Wiener in a bun (say it like Man on the run - there you go). What does this mean for you? Play your owner version of Where's Waldo with the Wiener Mobile... Just remember if Michael Jackson is your scavenger hunting buddy then you are doing something wrong.

To the more important thought of the day, Gary and the Hornets. Lost? Confused? Well then, let me enlighten you on the musical genius that was Gary and the Hornets. According to Wikipedia, so you know it's true, Gary and the Hornets was a Franklin, Ohio based band that consisted of the brothers Gary (vocals, guitar), Greg (bass) and Steve (drums) Calvert. Gary was eleven, Greg was fourteen and Steve was seven at the time they recorded their best known material.

I guess "best known" is a relative term.... That written check out this gem from YouTube (I think Steve loaded this one up)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3L8h8rKvAGI

Want more? How about their hit single, Patty Girl?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlajccjdeLI&feature=related

Wondering if Patty was their only girl? She wasn't, Hazel was seducing them as well in their number 1 hit, actually number 96 on the top 100 (but number 1 in hearts of every little girl named Hazel so suck it!) - Hi, Hi, Hazel...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZvR6Fw-ET0&feature=related

So what ever happened to the pop sensation, Gary and the Hornets? I have no idea. I searched for 5 or 7 minutes and came up with nothing. If I where to guess -

Gary - insurance salesman (he just seems the type)

Greg - music teacher in Two Dot, MT

Steve - waiter, movie extra work and voice for the failed cartoon - "Why did you draw me this way?"

A bit of history.... A bit of nonsense... A dose of reality... A wiener for your thoughts...

PS - Hi, Hi Hazel... Oddly they only played this song at 4:20 each day

While you are cursing me for the hit song, "Hi, Hi, Hazel" being stuck in your head get in your car and head on over to Carl's Jr. Today and today only they are serving left handed hamburgers. According to Carl's CMO, "not serving left handed eaters is like Seacrest trying to hi-5 a blind guy."

So if you are left handed go support Carl's Jr. and get your very own left handed hamburger.

Sometimes bad is bad....

The American auto industry is on life support, US tax dollar life support (minus our Ford tough friends that declined help). As the Obama team looks to restructure GM and bailout Chrysler I wondered, what put these American icons of industry onto a road leading them to failure. I am no math whiz so I will take the road less traveled, avoiding the economics and instead look at some of the choices made by the big 3 as it pertains to some of the cars they have made and tried to make us buy - be honest, some of you did...

Coming in at number 1, this car just could not keep pace from 1975 to 1980.... After luke warm start this car died at the end of the pack. Your favorite and mine, the AMC Pacer!

The AMC's Pacer was supposed to be fitted with a rotary engine--but both rotaries had technical problems late in their development that prevented them from seeing the light of day, except for in the Pacer - thanks AMC. The Pacer was busted dreams in a plethora of ways including but not limited to quality, execution and styling. Make your own assessment about its bizarre proportions, but don't miss the one door that's bigger than the other one - classic American engineering...

When I was born this car died. But from 1970 to 1974 this car from GM disappointed executives on the GM test track and American buyers that just wanted to pull out of their driveways. Coming in at number 2, The Chevy Vega!

Early Vegas were poorly designed and by poorly I mean really bad design that made no sense. Accompanying their poor design, an aluminum engine that failed as much as a blind sharp shooter. The first time General Motors tested this car on the track, its front end reportedly broke off from the rest of the vehicle - if we only had YouTube back then.... When the Vega did reach the market and yes it reached the market with the front end being optional, it was one of the most unabashedly no-frills cars in history (the front end was optional and Flinstone running boards off set the aluminum engine). Started $2,090.... Worth every penny, well not every penny... More like every 9th penny...

As GM struggles a new automaker is coming in to help them, Fiat. With the US Government not wanting to blindly help GM, why would Fiat come in hoping to turn GM into a Phoenix that will rise from the ashes of early 2009.... Because, like GM, Fiat has a history of less then award winning cars... Coming in at number 3, the sub compact Euro reject - the Strada......

The Strada subcompact came with its own weekly news letter from Fiat, issuing service bulletins--instructions that manufacturers send to dealers about recurring problems and they still decided to sell them..... Who doesn't love a weekly newsletter from their car manufacturer. Lawsuits over rust helped drive Fiat out of the U.S. - ahhh but GM is bringing them back. The Strada was the poster child for bad cars. Its floors, suspension, wheel arches and engine mounts had problems, by problems I mean they rusted out in weeks, not months. If you managed to avoid the rust and keep the Strada running you had the luxury of zipping around town in a car with an average of 60 horsepower, topping out at 75.

OJ used one to get away. They have bucked both cowboys and consumers. Before Ford was tough, they made number 4 on the list - the Bronco II!

Although many people loved them for their ruggedness, in the 1980s Ford's Bronco II sport utility practically taught hunting dogs how to "roll over." The vehicle's drivers, after several roll overs both side to side and front to back, realized they probably shouldn't pilot the Bronco II up a steep hills or angled driveways. Before email and voicemail there where inter office memos and Ford's employees used them to gossip about the tipping point of the Bronco II per an inter-office memo that was circulated in 1986. Ford sent out 288 service bulletins on the 1985 Bronco II - only the Strada had more service bulletins. Reading these bulletins spotlighted a vehicle whose engines--and other major components, like alternators and ignition systems--failed as often as hot dog vendor selling at a KD Lang concert.

Number 5 on the list was made famous, and not just because it started, on the hit movie Waynes World! Licorice in the ceiling, Queen on the stereo and two long haired angels piloting this polished turd... You love them, you hate them.... The PINTO!

Recently Ford was asked about this Greg Louganis diving flop. The company politely said, "You don't want to talk about the Pinto. Leave that one in the cemetery." The Pinto almost put Ford under as it led the way with lawsuits. The Pinto's famous safety flaw, of course, was that it was prone to blowing up if rear-ended - too bad Ford did not think up the tag line, "We build excitement." When people talk about how bad American small cars created an opportunity for the Japanese to come in and clean house in the 1970s and '80s, they are referring to compact and sub compact American cars.

Diagnose this House!

Doctors have come across some baffling day-to-day ailments, but few conditions are as strange as these 20 disorders, which range from biological to psychological to cultural in nature. These medical mysteries may get you out of work once or twice a month, might just get you out of a relationship and can probably get you some bailout money... Interested? Then join me as we investigate 5, House style Medical Mysteries...

Coming in at number 1. Movie stars and artists get this all the time. Think Madonna - No not herpes! Good guess, however the bump on your Pepe is not a Medical Mystery. Nope.com, I am writing about Foreign Accent Syndrome

According to Healthier Talk, Foreign accent syndrome (FAS) is a speech disorder that causes sudden changes in speech pattern, intonation and pronunciation so that the victim is perceived to speak with a "foreign" accent. FAS usually results from severe trauma to the brain, such as a stroke or head injury, and typically develops within one or two years of the injury. Of the 50 to 60 cases that have been verified since 1941, only a few FAS sufferers regained their normal speech pattern, although some experienced success through speech therapy.

RWC: Need a day off? Call in with a bad British accent and when someone calls you on your crappy accent drop the brain injury bomb on them and let them know you have FAS. Tell them to suck in your lame accent and then meet the boys for a round of golf.

With sex and violence part of everyday media number two is sure to have you wondering - what goes bump in the night? Are you the bumper in the night? Maybe you have Sexsomnia.

Sexsomnia is a sleep disorder that, much like sleepwalking, compels the sufferer to engage in sexual activity while asleep. Identified in 2003, sexsomnia has since been cited to acquit defendants accused of sexual assault in British and Canadian criminal cases.

RWC: What Kennedy came up with this condition? Amazing! Horny, check. Where you asleep, check. Did you find yourself sleeping (by sleeping I mean having sex, stay with me people) with a stranger, check. Sexsomnia it is... Good thing you were not cooking, could have burned yourself...

Number 3 goes far beyond the question, "is your headache Excedrin big?" Wait for it.... Wait for it.... BANG! Exploding Head Syndrome

People with exploding head syndrome intermittently hear loud, explosion-like noises that seem to originate from within their own head. The "explosions" usually occur within an hour or two hours of the victim falling asleep. There's no physical pain, but sufferers understandably experience fear and anxiety after such attacks. While it's not clear what exactly causes the syndrome, it's been linked to stress and fatigue and often vanishes without any treatment.

RWC: None of the mess of a real exploding head, all of the sound of a real explosion and of course ear plugs don't work. Sweet dreams - click, click, boom!

Number 4 has George believing it is more than shrinkage! The turtle is back in his shell with Genital Retraction Syndrome

Genital retraction syndrome (GRS) is a mental condition prevalent in specific cultures that causes sufferers to believe that their external genitals are shrinking or slowly disappearing into their bodies. The widespread belief of the occurrence in portions of Asia and Africa has led to so-called "penis panics," episodes of mass hysteria in which thousands of cases, often tied to local beliefs in witchcraft, may be reported in a short period of time.

RWC: And you thought the voodoo doctors that shrunk heads where a sham - I don't think so! Funny thing, Oprah with her clothes off also creates this syndrome.... HA!

Do you smell that? I do! It is number 5, Fish Odor Syndrome...

Fish odor syndrome, or trimethylaminuria, is a disorder that causes the sufferer's breath, sweat and urine to give off a strong fishy smell (not that breath, sweat or urine otherwise have great odors). It's caused by the inability of the body to break down a specific, fish-odored compound in foods. There is no cure, but sufferers can control the symptoms by avoiding certain foods and taking antibiotics.

RWC: Oddly enough people that suffer from Fish Order Syndrome see more sharks and see life while scuba diving... A real treat while in the shark cage too... As the Great White said, "Soooo Meaty!" Stay out of the water and away from me if you are marked with the curse of smelling like Pike Street Market... Maybe you could get a job there, no one would know that you stink. Or go work on a fishing boat in Alaska - it is all about casting blame stinky...

Happy Monday... Call in sick tomorrow with FOS and watchout for cold water and shrinking genitals.