Warning... You are stupid...

People are sheep and they need very explicit and obvious instructions or manuals for every product they buy. That written, some warnings still have you scratching your head wondering what happened that forced the company to print such a warning?

Let's take a look at some of the best warning labels available today...

Instructions on a new battery package: REPLACE THE OLD BATTERY WITH A NEW ONE.

RWC: Thanks, that makes it so much easier. What would I have done without this valuable tid bit of information. I am surprised the cure for cancer is not on here some place...

On a packet of peanut: WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.

RWC: You never know these days. Some packaging tells you what it isn't. I Can't Believe It's Not Butter - all they are telling us is that it's not butter... Looks like butter - yes. Tastes like butter - yes. Is it butter - nope.com! What makes it look and taste like something its not - nobody knows but we do know what its not - butter.... Enjoy your toast.

Caution on a curling iron: FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY

RWC: Not metal rod charged electrically... I don't even want to ask where curling irons where put prior to this warning.

On a Frisbee: WARNING MAY CONTAIN SMALL PARTS

RWC: "We can learn much from wise words, little from wisecracks, and less from wise guys" -
William Arthur Ward. I would add - and nothing from Frisbee manufacturers...

Warning on an electric cattle prod: FOR USE ON ANIMALS ONLY

RWC: We can thank the hit TV show Jackass for this warning... Soon to come, "KEEP AWAY FROM TESTICLES"

Warning on a tube of deodorant: DO NOT USE INTIMATELY

RWC: Usually I would blame Richard Gere... Then I caught the latest Axe commercial... Like the whimsical desires of the wind my focus and ire has moved from our gerbil (do not use intimately) loving actor to the people that make and use Axe body spray and deodorant. Like Scientology, they must be stopped.....

Happy Thursday....

What are you really scared of?

Time to link 5 completely random items... starting with a random fear and ending with a baby name that may just save all of mankind... Trust me, none of this will not make sense, but you will learn 5 random things today and that information will make you a better scrabble player and person... At the very least you will be thankful for not having a phobia and will know what not to name your child...

Thaasophobia: The Fear of Sitting

Sure, there are some instances in which sitting down can actually lead to death like really fat people and weak chairs next to cliffs.... Or when the key states strap you down in chairs named "Old Sparky." But honestly both can be avoided....

Besides, what’s so harmful about taking the time to sit back and relax - unless you are drunk and lean back too far and hit your head on a table corner or some hard tile crushing your skull and confusing viewers of CSI for a whole hour.... Scores of people actually wish they had more time to fall into their lazy boys and forget away the day’s worries - drinks and mind altering drugs not included. Sadly they can't because for some unknown reason they are scared... Boo hooo... What these people should really be scared of is bugs - gross and deadly...

This leads to the Giant Japanese Hornet, a legit bug to fear....

The giant Japanese or Asian hornet is a persistent hunter of larger insects like bees and praying mantises. These deadly insects also attack honey bee hives and take the honey bee larvae and the precious honey you like spread on your toast in the am... Curse the Giant Japanese Hornet!

The venom of a giant hornet is more lethal and toxic than that of wasps or bees, more importantly - lethal enough to kill.... In Japan, around 70 people die each year because of giant hornet stings - less then 5 die from sitting, oddly enough 15 die from sitting on Giant Japanese Hornets. The hornet’s sting actually has a high concentration of the chemical Acetlcholine, which can cause pain and death - so really who cares about the pain? Also, it has an enzyme in its venom that can dissolve human tissue, so if you don't die you may lose a digit or a limb. These chemicals can also attract other insects to you.

From Dangerous to Disgusting, I bring you the Stink Bug... Breath it in...

Stink bugs are easy to define, they smell like poo. They stink right down to the bone and they have a wonderful habit of leaving their wonderful smell everywhere—on your fingers, your clothes, on YOU. Like a dog that eats and plays in poo the stink bug thinks (or so we believe) it smells great, hence it leaves its scent all over. Also known as shield bugs, their defense mechanism is their horrendous smell - oddly enough also their matting call so put this in the old cooker - did you turn the bug on or piss the bug off?

Let's turn that frown upside down with an Internet smiley face, *<:-)

Smiley name: Santa hat smiley (only texting and Internet dorks could come up with this)

Description: Even good ol’ Santa himself can’t avoid being blasted on the world wide web - poor guy has his own smiley face. Either he has made it, like getting your own stamp, or he has fallen that far..... By placing an asterisk followed by a “less than” sign, you create a Santa hat in an otherwise ordinary emoticon.

Use it when: Celebrating the Yuletide season. It may be awkward in other times of the year. Then again if you already know about this smile face you have enough arrows in your quiver of smiley faces....

Now that I have you smiling let's laugh at a baby name.... Ladies and gentlemen I give you the weirdest baby name in the world - Moxie Crime Fighter

Penn Fraser Jillette a comedian, juggler, writer, illusionist and all around entertaining and weird guy. His little friend Teller is also a strange dude...... Together, they make the dynamic duo Penn and Teller, performing in Las Vegas and on Showtime. On June 3, 2005, Penn and his wife had a daughter and they decided to name her Moxie Crime Fighter. She is forced to wear a cape anywhere she goes - I just made that up...

What is going on in there?

It's time for something new and fun, well new - fun, that is a relative term... Rewashed Killer Captions! This is what I think when I see these photos.... You have been warned....



1. Bunny - "I think my fly is down!"

2. Bunny - "Oh man, that is not good. Boil egg, yes. Hide egg in butt, nope.com."

3. President - "I can't believe I got Bush to put the bunny suit on."

1. Deer 1 - "Oh come on! Put the beer down and come to the window I am thirsty."

2. Deer 2 - "We have all heard the joke on why they won't serve the deer but I thought it was just that, a joke."

3. Guy inside (you can't see him) - "Hey boss, the deer are back. They look soooo thirsty. This is really creeping me out man...."

1. Creepy guy - "So you want me to look at the red light above the camera - done!"

2. Creepy guy - "Yeah I know, the convicted me of murder. Total joke. I am innocent, just look into my eyes...."

3. Creepy guy - "I think the layers was a bad idea. Plus I am an autumn and these colors are all winter colors... Winter tones just don't work with my skin tone."

Winner, winner - we got a sinner!

If you are sinner who likes wafers and wine and you live in NY - well you are in luck my friend....

There's a product available now in parts of New York that will leave you with that "almost baptized feeling."

Personally I like the "almost been healed feeling" - like eating Chinese food, sure you feel good for the first 25 minutes but after that you are in pain again or dead, depending on what you need healed....

For those of you not looking for a healing but a cleansing of your soul then book a trip with an eccentric CEO on Jet Blue and head to NY. When you land find your nearest cathedral and ask for SoulWow — with the cleansing power of confession.

Unlike the Pentecostal version that only works after you've been caught with a prostitute or meth or both - first you have to deny the sin and the slowly leak your sin out in sections (think Baker, Swaggert and the guy from CO - can't remember his name and I am too lazy to look it up... Nope, wait, got it - Haggerty!). The catholic version (does not work with priest caught with their pants down -that is a totally different SoulWow product) is all about coming in for a confession...

As Father Vic says, "Nothing soothes the soul like a true confession."

SoulWow, shot like ShamWow, but without all the hang ups of blood and punching high end hookers (oddly enough these instances may be found in confessions), is a YouTube sensation...

Church officials say they've seen an upsurge of followers seeking absolution.

Want your own upsurge - thinking more laughter here than hookers, meth or absolution.... Then go the following URL - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dpqi56EWnQ8

Jesus loves and I, well I am starting to like you... That is a bold face lie - I do love you I just have a hard time expressing my feelings (thanks FeelingsWow - coming soon!)

Happy SoulWow Monday!