But mom I love you...

Do you love your mom? Do you? Are you sure? If so then make sure to get your mom one of these great mother's day gifts..... If you really love her you will get her all of these gifts.... So I ask you again, do you love your mother?

Just for you mothers out there - time to put rewashed news on spin cycle, then a light fluff in the dryer...

Gift number 1: Jillian Michaels – 30-Day Shred DVD

You may have heard mom talking about wanting to drop some LBS and she is a super duper fan of Biggest Looser, so...... buy her the "Jillian Michaels – 30-Day Shred" DVD. This DVD brings home NBC, helps mom lose the gobbler and the arm flaps and she finally gets the hint that her polyester pants with elastic in the back are not slimming, not even in the color black. Now some may way, get her a movie.. Nope.com! Then she will want soda, treats and popcorn - then you are killing mom..... Do you love your mom or do you want her dead? Up to you...

Gift number 2: A fun new apron

Mom gets up early each morning to make you breakfast... She should look her best and her best is in a new apron... Something classy with pockets, bright colors (they hide stains) and if you have the time get her name embroidered on it or something classy like "Mom Be Grill'n" or "My place - the kitchen." The added benefit of a new apron, when mom is cleaning up after you are done eating she will not get anything on her new work clothes, and might I add nicely fitting work clothes (remember you got her the workout DVD)... 2 birds, one stone and pancakes!

Gift number 3: A new iron

No one wants to yell at mom after she irons your work shirt, but let's be honest the iron she currently has does not help her mom do her best work... Spend the money and get your mom the best iron money can buy - she feels like she is doing better work and you, well you get compliments on how nice and pressed your shirt looks. You both win. FYI - don't be shy, let mom know that everyone loves your nicely pressed shirts...

Gift number 4: The snuggie

No way mom does not want a snuggie. After a morning of making breakfast, ironing your shirt and heading to work... Mom will come home, make dinner and then what? The workout DVD of course.... After burning up some calories and cleaning up the house mom may want a cool down... A cool down means staying warm and nothing warms mom up like a snuggie. If you can't get a snuggie delivered in time just print out a picture of one and hand it to her. Just as good!

Happy Mothers Day Weekend and Happy Friday!

Do you remember?

Last night I was chatting it up with CSD at the gym - story telling after 5 games of basketball. For some reason we started talking about cashiers - not much of a stretch really.... If you have read this blog before than you know that what I write about can be a bit random... Anyway (the word that means so much by saying so little - Anyway translation - gotta go, hope you die, move it along, get to the point......)... Anyway - I referenced one of my favorite things to do to cashiers, especially the older and/or grumpy cashiers. No it is not mean and if you play your cards right both of you will laugh.

The skinny -

Walk up to the station and let her start scanning your groceries (sorry this just doesn't work with dudes). Say your hello and then start making a sound like a big truck backing up. Look at your elderly, angry/sad cashier and ask - "do you hear that?" Then point, increase the volume of your voice and start saying, "pretty lady alert." Insert giggle...

This is so much funnier in person. It really doesn't translate well in blog form - but hey CSD we tried.

After the story I said that I would write about being a cashier. Then I started thinking - what am I going to write about it?

First - let me give you the skinny on what a cashier really is (buying time and valuable blog space)... A cashier is a person who rings up the goods or services that the consumer wishes to purchase. After all of the goods have been rung up, the cashier then collects payment for the goods or services exchanged. In one form or another, cashiers have been around for thousands of years. In many businesses, such as grocery stores, the cashier is a "stepping stone"...

The key words in the definition above is stepping stone - so when you run into someone that has been a cashier for 20 years, well let's be honest... Not a stepping stone, more of a career choice and not that it is a bad thing... Not a good thing either. You don't want the dreams and aspirations of your kids to be cashier. If it happens, well then it happens - plenty of stuff happens that if possible you would avoid. Your kids big dreams of cashier - I would put that on the avoid list... It's a dream. How about Space Camp - the movie as a remake, not the real thing and not the new Star Trek, cool concept but not Space Camp.

My question is what do you talk about per your career, not that mine is super interesting but I do have things to talk about - The bonus would be all the random people and the random purchases...

"Dude, I guy came in and bought a bottle of tequila, a Redbook, 4 pineapples and some mint lotion. Sick!"

Past that what do you talk about? How you memorized the inventory and key codes for all of the produce and beer products. The perk of riding the mobile shopping scooters around the store after hours? Okay that part is pretty cool. I would have races. Create a course, turn off the security cameras and hot lap the store. Of course with my luck there would be a break in, a shoot out and instead of running I would try to drive away in my super shopping scooter only to be struck down by a 35 mag. Then David Curuso from CSI Miami would be at the crime scene (the guy who shot me would be from Miami) he would take is glasses off and say something cool like, "this is one deadly hit and run" or "more than the milk has expired here." Then the glasses would go back on and the TV would scream at you, I mean the shows theme song would start...

Huh, I guess there was a blog here after all - thanks CSD...

Happy Thursday party people...

You are a friend of mine...

It is Cinco De Mayo (Spanish for "fifth of May" - see how helpful I am, like a rhetorical guardian angel) - mainly ignored in the great land of Mexico but celebrated here in the US as a midweek excuse to get blind drunk in commemoration the Mexican army's unlikely defeat of French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, under the leadership of Mexican General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín.

Let's be honest if you are not drinking a fine wine or a bottle of the bubbly then why wouldn't you celebrate the butt kicking of the French. The only thing more fun than beating up the French is celebrating the fact that they got beat up...

Oddly enough Cinco De Mayo is not a big holiday in France....

While Cinco de Mayo has limited significance nationwide in Mexico, the date is observed in the United States and other locations around the world as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride. However, a common misconception in the United States is that Cinco de Mayo is Mexico's Independence Day which actually is September 16 (dieciséis de septiembre in Spanish), the most important national patriotic holiday in Mexico. Only Mexico celebrates on the 16th - the US, Canada and France all ignore this holiday... Now you know...

Want to learn more? Let's learn something that will help you celebrate Cinco De Mayo like the Shelly West classic, Jose Curevo...

Oh, it's Sunday morning and the sun is shining
In my eye that is open, and my head is spinning.
Was the life of the party; I can't stop grinning,
I had too much tequila last night.Chorus:
Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine.
I like to drink you with a little salt and lime,
Then I kiss all the cowboys, then I shoot out the lights,
Then I dance on the bar, then I start up a fight.
Now wait a minute, thing don't look too familiar,
And who is this cowboy asleepin' beside me?
Well, he's awful cute, but how'd I get his shirt on?
I had too much tequila last night
Oh, those little shooters, how I love to drink them down
C'mon, bartender, let's have another round
Well the music's playing and my spirits are high
Tomorrow might be painful, but tonight I'm gonna fly.
Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine.
I like to drink you with a little salt and lime
Every time we get together, we sure have a good time,
You're my friend, you're the best, mi ami-go
Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine.
I like to drink you with a little salt and lime
Then I kiss all the cowboys, then I shoot out the lights,
Then I dance on the bar, then I start up a fight.

History and song lyrics - what else do you want for a Tuesday?

Sing, celebrate and be happy - blind drunk happy.....

Sunday... Monday... work day...

Some people hate their jobs - their jobs are boring, the same everyday and honestly they just don't feel like they are making the impact they once dreamed of.... When I was a kid I wanted to get paid to keep the grass trim along the side of all the highways in MT. I wanted a cowboy hat and a riding lawnmower so that I could cruise around the state keeping the grass on the highways shoulder high and tight and out of sight..... Currently I am sitting in the R&D room of CWIC (www.destinationwater.com) writing my blog and working away on PR and media strategies. I should also let you know that I have wicked allergies so the dream of cutting grass died after my first allergy attack.... Plus I really like the line of work I am in currently...

For some you, your dreams have not yet been realized. All you know is that you hate your job. So I thought I would take today and give you, my faithful reader some new job options... Are you ready to rewash your work, take a 180 and find the job that fits you?

How about entering into a 40 billion dollar industry that is expected to grow 5% this year? Sound too good to be true? The job title will bring you right down to earth.

Dog Food Tester

Yes, these are humans who do dog food taste-tasting for dog food companies … It used to be a lost bet, bad joke or a play funny on the drunk guy game... Now it can be a career, I mean your career...

Take it up, take it down... Be gentle with it... Sure it's not a booming industry but it would be fun, if only for a day...

Drawbridge Tender

Worried that this job may put you to sleep? Don't, every six months you will be required to take the official “Up vs. Down” test to ensure they’re still fit for the job. If you can't tell difference you fail and lose your job... Funny that you have to take an up and down test but drug testing is not madatory... You think those two would go hand in hand.

Are you the cocky type? Then maybe you need to work with cocks and chicks...

Chicken Sexer

Get the thought of chickens in lingerie out of your head or keep it in your head and then start a new website... Now that your new website is up and running take some time get to know what the job really consists of.... The job, sorting through baby chicks to determine if they are male or female, and then segregating them.

Hey fatty.... Hey tubby..... Yeah, you with the big bones... This job is for you. Fill it up, eat up and add it up...

Jelly Doughnut Filler

High metabolism and the ability not to like jelly off your fingers are 2 of the 4 criteria for landing this job.... Oddly being high as a kite will only help you at this job...

Let's end with a job in a continually growing market... A fun mix of phone calling, solitaire and death....

Telemarketer for a Cemetery

You used to get calls during dinner for new siding.... Now you can make calls during dinner to remind people of a recent death or a death to come.... This job screams happy, happy, happy... Low suicide rate? Don't know but I have to assume so...

Go get your new job...... Happy Monday