The real billionaire story.....

Hoops is flying high with NBA finals right around the corner....  Let's take a look at some billionaire owners and see how they made their money....

Rich DeVos:  the owner of the Orlando Magic - a team that has taken this years Boston Celtics (last years world champs) to a game 7!  But Rich's real Magic touch (pun intended) is making dollar bills - billions of them...  The story told in dinners around America and MLM's all over the world is that DeVos started Amway.  My grandmother used to sell Amway.  The real, VH1 style Hollywood is story says that DeVos created his billions teaming up with the likes of ALF and our blonde haired, afro hero Greatest American Hero (believe it or not - nope.com, not addressing the walking on air but the random partnership).  In a science experiment gone right DeVos invented a hair straightener fixing the Greatest American Hero's (GAH) hair leaving him forever indebted to him...  This led to DeVos demanding that the GAH, who could barely fly, capture ALF - taking ALF off the air into DeVos evil grasp.  DeVos sold ALF to the animal/alien testers at Area 51 for an undisclosed amount of money (around 20 billion).  DeVos used his money to develop his slight of hand - he failed...  So he bought the Magic for 85 million...  

Mark Cuban:  the owner of the Dallas Mavericks, a team full of talent but no will to finish.  Dot.com winner?  Nope.com....  So how did Mark make his billions?  He was the creator and lead writer of NBC's hit show WINGS!  Cuban wrote the first 50 episodes and then like the crafty salesman that he is, he sold the concept and all the writes of WINGS to NBC for a cool 5 billion dollars.  Cuban lost a billion of that trying to replicate his success with the oddly popular show, Profiler... Great idea but in the end NBC ended up only buying the show for 20 bucks...  Mark took his money and over paid for the Dallas Mavericks...  Now if he could only create a drug or water that would give his team heart...  I hear he has been talking to the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz....

Robert L. Johnson:  the owner of the Charlotte Bobcats (may not have heard of them but they are a real NBA team).  Some say he founded BET - not true buckaroo....  The truth is, he trains great white sharks for the military.  The sharks come with laser beams and will travel up to 1000 miles to seek and destroy the enemy...  Iran and Iraq have canceled their plans to develop a Navy based on the fear of our new super sharks patrolling the waters of the Middle East.  When Johnson is not training sharks to defend our borders he is working with monkeys teaching them how to type and tap dance....  Recently he lost his pinkie finger training his Lab how to play fetch...

Right down the middle

So I was going to write about waitresses and how they can be, and usually are super annoying... The power they find in knowing a menu and delivering a cold beverage and a hot meal is amazing. I used to wait tables so I know what I am talking about. It is a service where you serve... Understand that and embrace your career or summer job choice and stop being a tool... Unless you are in LA - then I can understand, you are testing for a role in a movie, TV show or infomercial....



So that was what I was going to write about but then a shiny object caught my attention... Two simple words: pet telepath... One simple response: amazing!



Here is the simple explanation: Animal Communication is interspecies communication through the use of telepathy, scanning life energy, an animals "Ki" or "Chi", and scientific remote viewing for the purpose of assessing your animal's mental, emotional and physical state. Animal Communication promotes well being through increased owner and veterinary awareness of the animals care needs.



The scanning of life energy - not just for Star Trek anymore and no need for a phaser or some cancer promoting oddly large radio body scan device. Once again: amazing!



One of the players in the pet telepath world is Elizabeth Anglin. Or as I know call her - crazy pet talking lady.... She leaps past the 6th Sense and runs S curves around the Mazda Zoom, Zoom kid.. To quote the crazy, "During consciousness-sharing I experienced what it was like for a wild raven to fly, a whale to swim on migration, and for a hawk to be hungry and hunting. It wasn't until I learned Reiki in 1994 that I experienced direct telepathic communication with a domestic animal again."



Let me translate: I burned some super sticky green with angel dust in the mix. It made me crazy. I first started talking to my collection of My Little Ponnies - the purple one was the most talkative... Then I started watching Mr Ed and thought - easy... The horse bit me. I loaded the bong and sparked up with a friend... We went Wonder Twin power style and I took shape of an eagle, spread out my arms and pretended to be flying as I walked around my living room. My friend turned into ice - but that is how the whole Wonder Twin thing works... One gets to be a cool animal and the other gets to be water or ice or wind or sleet, even snow some days... Of course smoking all that weed got me super hungry so I ate, and ate and ate... I got fat. Being fat and stoned had me feeling like a whale. Being fat, stoned and out of shape made trips back and forth between the fridge and the couch feel like a migration.... I am just as confused as you about the hawk thing - except for the hunger...



The only thing better then reading about this lady is reading her code of ethics. Pet Telepaths have a code of ethics. Here is my favorite...

• The goal of any consultation, lecture, workshop, or interspecies experience is more communication, balance, compassion, understanding, and communion among all beings. We follow our heart, honoring the spirit and life of all beings as One.

I now recommend that you take a moment and have a mind altering telepathic journey with a caged raven or a free roaming kangaroo.... Then move on to talking with your dog or cat... BTW - cats only pretend to listen.

What a do nephew..

Monday - the week is starting all over again.... Reports, conference calls, emails and TRP's...

Rewashed is kicking off Monday by knocking the weekend rust off and lashing out...

Topping today's news - Britney Spears' perfume sales have topped $1 billion.. Who would have thought that the smell of whore and ciggies would be such a big seller? Who looks at Spears and thinks - that is who I want to smell like? Three girls sitting around - one smells like boxing gloves, the scent of Rihanna - one smells like smack and Malibu rum, the scent of Amy Winehouse and of course the gentle mix of whore and ciggies, the Spears... The blend of their perfumes just burning your eyes, getting your drunk and turning you into a junkie. Let us not forget that as soon as these perfumes are sprayed on with an industrial sprayer rented from your local home depot, underwear instantly rises above the jeans (except for the Spears - then you just don't put the panties on), hair gets bleached or blacked out and your ability to clearly thinks is gone....

Dead midget alert... Mickey Carroll, one of the last surviving Munchkins from the 1939 beloved film "The Wizard of Oz," died Thursday. He was 89.

Jon and Kate plus 8 update - Jon, who was at home with the kids, sent a statement, saying, "These allegations are false and just plain hurtful." You know what else is hurtful, listening to Kate during the show. Watching Jon beg for death is funny... The only guy I know that would rather be with 8 screaming kids before spending one more moment with his crazy, screaming, nut bag wife... She is pure evil and pure crazy... If Damien from the Omen was a girl instead of a boy, the girl would have been Kate and the story would be based on truth, not fiction... Some wonder if she is spawn of Satan, he won't even claim her... When the demon from the underworld looks at you and says, "hey, hey take it easy..." you are a bit harsh... I know loan sharks that are more forgiving than her... I know drug dealers that are not as pushy as her...

Perfume, midgets and 8.... That is a great Monday!