Fly kitty, fly...

Like the INXS hit (not the strangle - love sensation) but the new sensation (sing it but not naked with a belt around your neck, learn from others mistakes) in China is a cat... Now I am not saying that China needs to start thinking "green" but let's be honest, when your kitty gets wings and it has nothing to do with a maxi pad - problems people (see what I did there, I made a Vagina joke and a cat joke using one word... On the difficulty meeter I am giving myself a 3 but when you add in sanitary napkins to the mix and the fact that I watch so much TV that I know that some have wings, well then I bump it up to a 5. On that note, do we need tampon and maxi pad commercial? Furthermore, who named it a maxi pad? Horrible name, right? What names got rejected? The quicker picker upper - taken! ShamWow - it will have you saying WOW - taking! Lady sponge - gross! Okay back to the story). The Chinese, well they have a problem, a winged - non monthly - kitty problem.

A tabby from the Qingyan province in China recently sprouted a pair of fur-covered wings on his back during a hot-weather spell, the U.K.’s Daily Mail reported. Of course we can't just take there word, so they have pictures (we all know that pictures cannot be doctored and no one has ever taped, glued or stapled something on a cat - especially in China).

This is where communist China covers up the fact that both their people and animals drink water bottled in Chernobyl. Funny thing, the communists never got any good PR or messaging - this is the spoon fed answer that the cat owner had to give per the new addition to the cats back, yeah the wings. Identified only as Feng (no last name no credibility - probably the minister of beating people in back alleys or running them over with tanks), claimed her pet’s wings were the result of stress from too many females desiring to mate with him.

Have you heard cats mate? I called 911 the first time I heard the hot love session of two alley cats getting down and dirty. I thought someone was getting murdered. The screaming, the hissing, the clawing. Now if the cat had no voice and no hair - makes sense... The lady cat can be aggressive and knows what she wants in a male cat or so I have read on Wikipedia. But wings? Is the cat going to fly away? And remember this is a male cat, not a female cat. Most male cats are looking to get their load freak on at least 5 times a night. Perhaps Feng has the horniest male cat in the world. Maybe Feng's cat has herpes and needs wings to fly to a new town to knock up some unsuspecting lady cats that don't know he has a bump on pepe... That seems to make more sense than trying to fly away from lady cats wanting to jump his bones....

Happy Friday....

Random... No really

So this morning I wanted to write about the Religion of Consumerism (thanks Jen Boulden) but then Wednesday night happened... An evening with Ron White (comedian) and Margo Reymundo - don't feel bad if you have not heard of her, neither have I.... She is Ron White's girlfriend.... She is like Gloria Estefan with a big boob job and a lack of stage presence yet very talented. The sad thing, or the fun depending on how you look at it is that she is at the bottom of the Totem Pole of Randomness.... We should probably start at the beginning -

Random event number 1: 2007 Mini Cooper meets 6'11" Olympian Genia Kerr for a ride to LA. We hit LA and add another - he is not 6'11" but he feels it as he crams into the back of the Mini... As we pull up to the "spot" we climb out of the Mini as if it was a clown car and come to notice the following:


1. There was a red carpet - Genai is money on the Red Carpet. Reagan and I are allergic to it... Genai has his pose down - he has done this a million times... So much in fact that the photographer knows him.


2. Everyone is in suites and prom dresses - we are in jeans and t-shirts... Well I classed it up with a cashmere V-neck sweater and a cross necklace with the elegance of recycled shoes...


Oddly enough they let us in. We get a front row table for the comedy show and the live jazz performance.... We where so close to the stage that when the music started - the 808 kick drum that makes the girlies... Yeah rap that out... Was blowing so hard it was blasting Genai's hair...

Next to us - if you don't look good we don't look good, Paul Mitchell. And of course the performing comedian - Ron White as he gazed upon his new love and jazz performer Margo... Across from us was a creepy old guy dripping in gold chains with 2 young hotties - one flashing and one with the V. Beckam look... I am guessing he paid, well he did pay - one way or another he paid and that is a fact jack!

And of course next to us the often copied never duplicated Dr. Phil (see the pic below). With the great Dr. was his wife and some of her friends... meow!






Towards the end of the night Dr. Phil left his wife and her friends - I did my duty as a man and made sure to get all the ladies champagne... Reagan hid his head, Genia encouraged me and the ladies... They took pictures with me. But nothing tops the picture with the good doctor.... Except for his parting words to us, "Thanks for getting my wife drunk guys." CLASSIC! And you are welcome good DR.

As we left we ran into some B-list actresses - one of them gave me her card so I Googled her. She has had an interesting career - Nancy (I will keep her last name private) was directed by Peter Madak in her first film, the cult-classic “SPECIES 2” for MGM. Her career in TV continued in Hollywood, where she began acting in films and television series. Her feature credits include: “THE STEPFORD WIFES,” with Nicole Kidman, “IN THE CUT,” with Meg Ryan and “GUARDIAN,” with James Remar, Ice T and, Mario Van Peeples. Her television credits include: “Passions,” “Melrose Place,” “Nip/Tuck” and stints as the trophy presenter on numerous award shows including the “Daytime Emmys,” “The Annual Tony Awards,” “Grammy’s” and most recently “American Music Awards.” Her varied theater credits include the role of “Colette” in John Patrick Shanley’s, “FOUR DOGS AND A BONE” - oddly enough not an adult movie just a bad movie....

Another great picture from my friend and photographer - the king of the Blackberry photo. Let's be honest it looks like he rubbed Vaseline on the lens for an effect.... The effect, a blurry picture that makes me look good and ladies look like well ladies or men in drag....



So that was the night in all of it's Wednesday glory....

Boulden - next time come with us.... I can't believe you missed out on this.

Mikey - next time find a way to fit in the back of the Mini and blow off the Laker game.

Genai - you in the back of the Mini, can't believe we missed that photo opp...

Reagan - leaving you alone front row with Ron White while his girl belted 70's classics, classic - funny - and I wish I was sorry but I was laughing too hard

Got some cash?

Marilyn Monroe's coffee table and Elvis Presley's prescription bottles are going up for auction (I know you have been waiting for this! The only thing missing is Anna Nicoles weight loss pills!).

Julien's Auctions will also sell clothing, autographed photos and other Monroe memorabilia, including items from her Brentwood, Calif., home, and jewelry, books and other items that Presley gave to his longtime personal physician, Dr. Nick (inside information - Dr. Nick is also the name of the doctor on the Simpsons. Oddly enough Dr. NIck's prescription pad, he just gave one to Elvis so he could self medicate is not up for auction....)

The items will be on view at the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino in Las Vegas before the auction begins June 26. Bids will be accepted in person, by phone and online at juliensauctions.com (Are there any odds that Elvis himself will be bidding on these prized items? Side note: I hear that kicking off the auction, a new TuPac album...)

In other news making headlines...

I am not saying that professional wrestling is fake.... Or that oiled up, in really tiny short - shorts, body builders use illegal drugs like HGH and steroids but.... (there is always a but) - bodybuilders at the Belgian championships, ready to get their flex on, scattered when doping officials showed up.

The reason for the bust - the numbers just don't lie... Last year, 22 of 29 tests were positive, either for steroids or for refusing testing, a failure rate of a staggering 75%.

Finally - selling in bulk, buying with food stamps...

Now everyone can buy a 50 gallon vat of mayo and 100 rolls of t-p! Citing the economic recession, Costco has announced that it will begin accepting food stamps in its two New York City stores — one in Astoria, Queens, and the other in Sunset Park, Brooklyn — on a trial basis, starting next month (how many food stamps does it take to get a flat of hot dogs or a barrel of cashews?)

If the experimental program shows there is sufficient demand by food stamp users, and if it does not harm efficiency, the company said, it will begin accepting food stamps at all of its New York City stores, including a new one that is planned for East Harlem.

So far, just NY but if stamp holders play their cards right Costco may take food stamps at all locations...

Yeah I know - the last 2 days the blog has been a bit weak... I am tired, my heart hurts - literally and I have a ton going on at work.... It will rebound so keep reading...

When bad ideas get even worse

The Tour de France, made famous by a man that only has one testicle and his ex girlfriend that does not have a square to spare... Add in steroids and the US Postal service and you have what amounts to a bike race... So how can you make men in tight pants on tiny seats, riding up and down mountains even worse? Make those men prisoners... Give them some of the very necessary tools they need to escape -

1. Remote location: Check

2. Vehicle to escape with: Check

3. Congestion, Confusion and French police: Check

4. Removal of handcuffs: Check

5. Nowhere near a prison: Check

Great idea!

According the my friends in France: Close to 200 prisoners will cycle around France next month (polite way to say, next month is not a good month to visit France), watched by scores of guards on bicycles, in the first penal version of the Tour de France (I guess stationary bikes in the prison yard was too hard - taking them out of prison to bike freely is the easier way), authorities said Monday.

The 196 prisoners will cycle in a pack and breakaway sprints will not be allowed. They will be accompanied by 124 guards and prison sports instructors. There will be no ranking, the idea being to foster values like teamwork and effort.

What, no ranking? How can, as a prisoner, going to be able to talk trash if nobody knows who is number 1? This is the same crap they do with kids these days - they play but don't keep score.... Come on man. You have to keep score, the point is that there is a winner and loser. As an example, the prisoners are losers - they got caught.... The winners are the cops. So we have already started a ranking system.

The prisoners' Tour de France will take them 2,300 km (1,400 miles) around the country (that is 1400 miles where a prisoner can and I believe will escape), starting in the northern city of Lille on June 4 and stopping in 17 towns, each of which has a prison. However, participants will sleep in hotels (this is crap.... They should be sleeping under the stars in nap sacks, not in hotels - they are still prisoners)

The finish line will be in Paris, following Tour de France tradition (I don't want to be in Paris when this random troupe comes rolling in.... First, they are going to be short a couple of prisoners, two the guys that have been forced to bike 1400 miles and where not smart enough to escape will be pissed, tired and hurting.... No thanks).

I hope you enjoyed taking Monday off... Have a great Tuesday and remember....