The Jackie Moon

Today we are going to talk about sex baby - Salt N Peppa style (Yes! Now the song is stuck in your head)... For years know many of my lady friends have asked me what they can do to steam up their relationship. They ask, should I try the "drunk clown" or the "Cincinnati Bow Tie?" What if I try the "Cleveland Steamer" or the "Houdini." How about the "Vegas Clam Shell" or the "Tijuana Two Step?"

The answer is none of the above ladies... If you want to add some Peppa to your love life then I recommend the following....

Number 1: The Illegal Massage

Vixenish back scratching and oil rubs where made popular by Fabio romance novels and porn; and it is time to bring some sexy back party people... Start of your night by giving your man a full body massage and turn it into some sex... He gets a massage and you, young lady, you just made an extra 100 bucks for shopping.. It is a win, win..

Number 2: Try some sexy talk

Shoot your man a call or a text with something sexy like, "xoxoxo - with some hot tongue action baby!" That will get his blood going... Or call him and start off the conversation with, "So what are you wearing?" Sure you laid out what he was wearing but like your new hair cut he will not notice or care..

Number 3: Touch and hush little lady don't say a word

We love your bodies ladies... Your sexy body is proof that God exists. Your mouth and what comes out of it is proof that Satan is real and wants to destroy mankind. You put on something sexy - win! You start making out with us - win! You start talking - loose! Hush little lady don't say a word, let me hear your body talk. Come on ladies, listen to the award winning Olivia Newton John just one time in your lives... No talk before and please no reviewing of the game tape after. The only thing we want to hear is - "are you hungry and if so can I make you anything?" and "are you thirsty - perhaps I could go scamper off and get you a beer or a refreshing glass of water..." And when you do go, don't wrap up be free like Eve...

Number 4: Think now, not later and no not the candy

You ladies love to put off gratification for as long as possible. As men we are asking, try instant gratification just 6 or 7 times a month... If you want him and you are at a dinner party invite him into the bathroom or the garage... When he comes home answer the door in his favorite color - clear! Like a pornographic Nike commercial - just DO IT!

4 Tips to help you ladies add some Peppa to your unsexy sex life.. Happy Monday.